What would you have done?

[Dogdaze]

Not trying to validate my actions, but I had occasion to visit our local Ikea today with my youngest daughter (5), and after the cashier there is a hotdog/coffee/donut etc kiosk, I generally let my daughters go by themselves while I wait to pay, to get themselves an ice cream cone. I try to encourage independence and public interactions. Today was the same, I could see it was busy, and she was waiting patiently in line, one by one she was getting closer to the front of the line. I paid and waited for her by the self serve ice cream machine, she was next. I looked up and some guy with his lady who were behind my daughter were now in front, they just barged past her and got served....
I blew my stack, instant, no lapse, I was gone!
I walked up to the guy and asked what he was doing, did he not think my daughter deserved to be served (my amateurish German, then it goes English)? Was she not a 'human being' too?
he was shocked into reality, apologised profusely claiming he did not see her!!
I told him how can I encourage her to be independent, patient and respectful when someone just ignores her existence because she is a child?
I think the guy felt bad as he then proceeded to apologise to my daughter and agreed that he was wrong....... Now I felt bad for being OTT.

 

[HeliMark]

I would have done the same. I would like to believe that I would have been polite and tell the guy what he did. But if I read him as knowing he did that, and he doesn't admit to it, I am known for throwing hand grenades. Not something I wanted my kids to see when they were young. Wasn't always successful.

But ::008:: to the guy for admitting that he was wrong, and apologising to your daughter. Something negative made into a positive for her.

Mark

 

[Sierra1]

Yeah, I likely would have acted similar. I can handle ME being treated badly. BUT, treat my kid badly just because you think you can? Different story. I HATE bullies. I've taught my kids to NEVER start problems, but stand up for yourself. I am lucky; I have two boys. Much easier, in my opinion.

 

[snakebitten]

Not knowing your age dogdaze, I can still surmise that you're much younger than I since your children are still being "parented".

It's as a grandparent, these days, that I discover how "wrong" I often was when I was teaching\parenting my own. Lol
Or put another way, as dad I can see myself inserted into your well told story without requiring a single edit. But as grandpa, not so much.

I've chilled. A bunch. Way more than I thought ever likely. If it were my grand daughter in that same line I'd probably get her attention from where I was waiting and made her laugh at her delayed-plight, by acting a mime and using funny faces or sign language-body posture to communicate (poke fun) at the grownups.

Catch my drift?

Hey, no judgment here though. Not coming from me. But that desire to teach her independence would go nicely all wrapped up in a bow of "roll with the punches".
Life is sure to deal her a share.

 

[Dogdaze]

Snake, I'm an old dad, 50! But don't get me wrong, I did not raise my voice or become aggressive (yep, I'm older), but I also don't want my daughters to feel it's ok to be pushed aside or look over or ignored, because it never ok. They 'may' go on to discover some great cure to help the human race, they may do nothing, but they will be taught to respect, and never back down or give in unless the cause is great.

 

[EricV]

If there is a lesson here, it's two fold. Your example to your daughter that it's not acceptable to have someone cut in front of you as if you were not there, (and nice that you did it w/o getting loud and aggressive, btw), but the second lesson is for you to explain to your daughter how to handle this type of thing on her own. That it's acceptable for her to stand up for herself, even at her age, and politely tell someone, "excuse me, I am in line too and would appreciate if you wait your turn, as I have been waiting mine." Most people will accept being called on their BS, even by a child, or beg apology if they did it by accident and allow her to resume her place ahead of them. Someone that doesn't, then she has to call it on roll with the punches, (and roll her eyes or respond with a nice sarcastic "Oh, I see you really need some ice cream more than I do..." ), or take it to another level.

 

[snakebitten]

I was thinking more along the lines of my granddaughter tapping the lady now in FRONT of her and explaining "excuse me ma'am, see that old man over there? That's my grandpa and he can't stand for more than a few minutes. I told him to wait right there and I'd fetch us some ice cream. But honestly, I don't know how to use that machine. Ya think you could help me get an ice cream cone for my grandpa?"

Oh how I'd enjoy watching that scene as the grownups got played by my clever grandkid. Lol

Yea, I admit, a bit of a romantic these days.

 

[Squibb]

Sounds pretty standard behaviour for the German speaking areas in my experience; always try to jump the queue, be it bars, service areas, or worst of all ski lifts. And I am 6.00ft tall 14.00 stone, not your youngster, so they can't say they didn't see me.

Still a gentle rebuke usually brings them to heel, or a not so gentle if they have tried to push in front of my good lady (aka the angry ant). I like your idea of sending them on a guilt trip though - nice one.

Cheers .................... KEN

 

[Madhatter]

dogdaze you did well... stop second guessing yourself , you did the right thing... the couple was rude even bullying , I have no respect for bullies . I have three daughters and I have taught them as best I can that they have standing in this world... I am pretty sure I would have been all over them ( the rude german couple ) and I hear that if you yell English loud enough everyone understands it.... they new what they were doing.

 

[ace50]

I try to never put my own spin on things and try to do what I should do (what GOD wants).
The World says "stand up for yourself" while spiritually we are to be 'Not of the world".
I might have let things just transpire as they did and then talk to her afterwards. (I like 'teaching moments')
If the 'gentleman' honestly didn't she her, then no foul, if he did it on purpose, nothing you say to him would mean anything.

Even explaing the circumstance, it's hard to know how you're going to react a certain way unless your 'in the moment', then your true character comes out.

I just pray I react the way he (GOD) wants me to.

 

[Checkswrecks]

[I lived in Germany, have dual national kids, and am still paying for a long-time German ex, so have some experience with the culture.]


As Squibb wrote, the German culture is not historically one of standing in lines which is important to realize since this likely was close to the German border, as Dogdaze is in Switzerland. But the word "historically" is important, partly because the culture is in flux regarding some of the customs and manners, and it's even more shaky when outside of the German borders. The unmentioned ages of the offending couple would have been important for context too, because another big part of German culture is respect for age and elders. If this were an older "Hoch-Deutche" couple like my ex mother in law with the occasional principled stick up her butt, you very well may have gotten a stiff "hummppff" and nasty comment about how children must learn to respect their elders.


I wrote that largely for context since most of the forum is North American. But, I'm personally with the thought that MY kid is going to pick up and later even mimic whatever it is that I do. I generally will step in and open my mouth, it's just a matter of what I am going to say and how I'm going to say it.


It sounds like you didn't explode and beat them down, instead, you did a great job of explaining and bringing them to seeing it from the perspective of you and your daughter. Which was an even better lesson for her.

 

[Dogdaze]

::008:: CW, The Swiss have no concept of staying in line or queing, but on this occasion , Ikea did have a 'fenced' zigzag line to prevent que jumpers. Also the couple were very early 30's.....

 

[Checkswrecks]

::008:: CW, The Swiss have no concept of staying in line or queing, but on this occasion , Ikea did have a 'fenced' zigzag line to prevent que jumpers. Also the couple were very early 30's.....

Then I would've been right up there too, as it sounds like they knew what they were doing.

 

[VRODE]

You did the right thing. They most likely ignored the small child and went thru. One would hope they learned a lesson as well.

 

[Cycledude]

Never been to Germany but that behavior sounds very similar to very many folks here in the USA .

 

[Madhatter]

rude knows no bounds of nationality, selfishness is the human condition . as for what God would have you do , God has called men to be the protectors of their family. now how you determine what is necessary to do this is up to you, and you may do it right or you may do it wrong. God is never passive ,no where in the bible do you see God being passive. see how Jesus reacts to the money changers in the temple... you do your best to be your best, and some times that's not enough . the couple ( german) was wrong , not dads reaction . as for the rest of us Dads we have to make the choices based on what we see as it happens , hopefully we get it right.... But never passive...

 

[Andylaser]

The fact they were so apologetic seems to confirm their guilt on this occasion.

Good on you for pointing out their error. ::008::