Hoarding how do you help someone who does this?

ballisticexchris

Chris Moritz
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
2,816
Location
California
I had a buddy whom I have lost a friendship because I pointed out his attachment to Indian motorcycles and parts are ruining his life. He made it clear to me that he is emotionally attached to them. It built up to a head a few months back when he lost yet another dog to coyote's. He got so caught up in bidding on Ebay he forgot about the dogs outside.

And no joke he put one of them in his freezer so he could get in his last minute bidding. I mentioned he might as well leave the dead dog out for for coyote bait. That was the end. I have tried to contact him to no avail. It has turned into a major hoarding situation over the years.

He is a middle working class and is spending all his retirement, maxing credit cards, refinanced his home etc. For years I have offered to help him sell some parts and help get some of his bikes running. This sets him off in anger. When I say it's bad I'm not kidding. He buys things like old license plates for 1200.00, water logged frozen engine for 3,000.00, 1700.00 rusty rotted frame. His latest "thing" is buying NOS (new old stock) crap like spark plug wires, caps, rusted bolts and hardware, etc.

I have never been inside his home. The outside is debilitated and his garage is stuffed with junk and over a quarter million dollars of Indian Motorcycles and parts. 3 Gilroy's that don't run, 5 spare Gilroy engines, various basket cases of vintage 1940's Indians, a war bike that he has not even ridden (33,000.00), and the latest was an almost 80,000.00 Indian 4 in concours condition. I helped him put it in his garage. When I went to put a package down next to it he said "not there the rats come through here".

Here is an example of his garage. The bike on the right in the first picture is the 33,000.00 war bike he bought a few months back and just shoved into the garage. The last picture is all the crap taken out from the left of the Gilroy in the first picture so he can fit his 80,000.00 Indian 4 into the garage. What makes it really bad is He would not even let me take anything to the dump. Old boxes, oil containers, broken vases, rat chewed anything, 30 year old kitchen flooring rolled up and breaking apart from age. He wants to keep it all. All over the place inside and outside of the garage are unopened boxes and envelopes of parts from Ebay.



6E9F16DF-DC31-4ED6-84C8-5BACFA3779C1.jpegC6382387-6490-40A7-A124-D342130F009B.jpeg

I know we all have a little (and sometimes a lot) junk laying around but this is the most out of control situation I have ever seen in my life. I thought about turning him in to the city. The treatment of his animals is what upsets me the most. He just feeds them burritos from fast food and only will take them to the vet when they are on their death bed. None of them are fixed or had shots. Over the years, when the females goes into heat, puts them in a small box and keeps her there until she is no longer in heat.

I want to get his friendship back. OTOH, I can't just quietly agree to everything he does. I thought friends were supposed to help out in trouble. He hates it when I offer to help him clean up.

Any ideas?
 

ballisticexchris

Chris Moritz
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
2,816
Location
California
I want to make clear that some of us might have a garage that is cluttered like this one. It happens.

What's sickening is offering to help and he his not willing to take anything to the dump. His pickup truck has a shell and is packed to the gills with almost all trash. His dashboard used to be piled up with letters, old food wrappers, Ebay mail, etc. He had just one small space for him to sit. He had to take it in for repair so he cleared it out a little for the mechanic.
 

Jlq1969

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 5, 2018
Messages
581
Location
Argentina
It can be solved but with therapy. I don't think only your good intentions can help him. Not just anyone can help others with mental problems .... Maybe you can help by talking to a psychiatrist, and asking ... where to start?

any of us can have some disorder, or keep something that is useless "just in case we needs it some day" ... but the accumulator has a disorder in his brain, which is not easy to treat
 

moto.monk

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2019
Messages
768
Location
los angeles
Though we might want to help someone it's sometimes not possible. I've learned the hard way and it took me many years to learn to stay clear and move on even though it hurts. These problems are sometimes mental carried for a life time. I've learned that life is short and is best spent with those closest to us.
 

ballisticexchris

Chris Moritz
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
2,816
Location
California
Well that's two here and a like from Robert plus my wife. This is not looking good. I just lost my best friend to COPD and now another friend of many years is going downhill. Maybe my wife and I will drive past in hopes he has at least cleaned up the trash in his driveway left there 2 months ago.
 

Sierra1

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2016
Messages
4,973
Location
DFW-TEXAS
If he's always been this way, it's just him, and not likely to change. But, if something triggered his current mind set, you have to find what the trigger was. And, either talk him back, or seek medication. Either way, it will not be an easy road.
 

nondairycreamer

Active Member
2012 Site Supporter
Joined
Nov 21, 2010
Messages
156
Break in and steal everything. And don't forget the computer, router and phones. Sell the junk on flea bay and start a trust fund for him.
 

ballisticexchris

Chris Moritz
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
2,816
Location
California
Break in and steal everything. And don't forget the computer, router and phones. Sell the junk on flea bay and start a trust fund for him.
If I could legally break in and start selling stuff off I would do it.

No computer, phone, or anything but a few jetpacks and cheap Walmart tablet. His electric bill is less than 25 bucks a month. He cannot stand spending money unless it's on Indian related purchases. Oddly he has a free phone /cell plan from another friend of his. But his personal limited use data plan with the cheap tablet and jetpacks is sometimes over 400.00 per month. I sent him Verizon unlimited data plans with a new pad with built in wifi for less than 150 bucks a month. He wont even look at it.



If he's always been this way, it's just him, and not likely to change. But, if something triggered his current mind set, you have to find what the trigger was. And, either talk him back, or seek medication. Either way, it will not be an easy road.
My wife and I think it started going really bad in 07 when he lost his wife. Something triggered him. I have tried all I can to reason with him. This last time I really blew it when I told him he might as well take his dead dog out of the freezer and use it for bait.
 

gunslinger_006

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 21, 2016
Messages
298
Location
Seattle, Washington
He needs to see a therapist who specializes in this very particular disorder. I am sorry for your friend, this is a very real and actually life threatening condition when it goes unchecked for too long.

This is often set off by ptsd, grief, or trauma.
 

Sierra1

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2016
Messages
4,973
Location
DFW-TEXAS
. . . . My wife and I think it started going really bad in 07 when he lost his wife. Something triggered him. . . .
I wondered if that was going to be the issue. You hadn't mentioned a wife. . . . and losing a loved one is a common trigger. But, wow. . . . 13 years. . . . that's going to be hard to come back from after that long.
 

gunslinger_006

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 21, 2016
Messages
298
Location
Seattle, Washington
I'm going to start making phone calls next week.
People can be really resistant to help. It may require patience, and maybe patience in the extreme. Remember that this person is suffering deeply and this compulsive behavior is a way to try and cope with something they do not have the skills to cope with.

Its like asking a cop for their badge and gun. Its part of his identity and its going to take time to help unwind this puzzle.
 

ballisticexchris

Chris Moritz
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
2,816
Location
California
You're a good friend for being concerned.
I have worked with and known him for almost 18 years. We did a Death Valley ride number of years back and that's when I started to realize how big a problem he has. Only reason I'm posting it here is to get some feedback on what to do. He is not a social media guy so He does not see this. I am by no means trying to shame him.
 

moto.monk

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2019
Messages
768
Location
los angeles
I have worked with and known him for almost 18 years. We did a Death Valley ride number of years back and that's when I started to realize how big a problem he has. Only reason I'm posting it here is to get some feedback on what to do. He is not a social media guy so He does not see this. I am by no means trying to shame him.
I have a fellow veteran who's been diagnosed as a hoarder and he gets very bad when someone throws anything away. He talks about things that happend weeks ago and how a big it was. Then he goes onto other stuff he needs to buy or needs. But in reality he doesnt need it and he even has a whole storage with stuff from 15 years ago. It sucks but I listen and try to make suggestions but in the end he made some small choices to throw away things. Main thing is he recognizes his problem and that no one pushes him. However his journey has been 4 years and he has lots of work to do. Hes 54 and all I can tell you if the person doesn't want to change it ain't gonna happen and if they do it's a slow painful process. He stuffers from pstd along with a myriad of other problems he hadn't dealt with for 12 years and only worked on the last 6.
 
Last edited:

Squibb

Active Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2014
Messages
709
Location
Bedford, UK
This is a delicate psychiatric issue for which there is no chance of a quick fix.

I have a biking buddy I've known for 34 years, who fell into the hoarding habit after his wife walked out 20 years back. There is a slight ebb & flow in the house, as the mess becomes impossible to work around, but it soon builds back up. He has 5 cars, only one just about roadworthy - those that aren't running get slowly filled with stuff. His garages are rammed to the point that his bike would be difficult to extract. He simply can't bear to part with anything, just in case it might be of value or come in useful in the future. Anyone who expresses surprise or in any way seeks to interfere, even his 2 children, gets the rough end of his tongue & instant rejection. Thanks to inheriting father's estate there has been no need for paid employment for many years.

Frankly, there is little one can do, until an event comes along to provide a catalyst - usually health issues. Even then it's not easy, as these folk often mistrust the medical profession, authority in general, with a passion. Eventually he will likely need to reach out to a friend.
 

MattR

Active Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2019
Messages
336
Location
North Hampshire UK
Not sure how it works in the US but in the UK he could be referred to social services and potentially to the local Fire Service as his property looks to be overloaded from a fire loading standpoint. If this then causes a fire hazard to nearby properties he could be compelled to get rid of it by law. This happens a lot in the UK but mainly in flats and properties that adjoin


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

VRODE

Easy Does It
Joined
Aug 7, 2014
Messages
648
Location
Vermont
Dealing with elderly clients we see a lot of hoarders/collectors. Some of it is old habits, a bit of ocd maybe. People like your buddy are a step up from that. It’s an addiction, and like any addiction, it’s impossible to kick if the person will not admit they have a problem. Sorry to see it, but it happens. A neighbor the next street over was a hoarder. House was falling apart and crap was everywhere, to the point his porch was so covered in junk, old newspapers, stacks of old magazines, etc. nice guy to talk to but he was going to do what he wanted and didn’t see any problems. He had health issues and passed away. A developer bought his house, gutted it, refurbed it, and flipped it.
Hope your buddy comes around, but age and isolation make it tough.
 
Top