The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
----oOo----
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Really, ..." says Mick "Have you seen how many of their
owners go blind?"
----oOo----
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
----oOo----
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
----oOo----
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing atthe foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
----oOo----
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for theworst. So I have
been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
----oOo----
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him
on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
----oOo----
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As Iwas standing there I
noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking
about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....
----oOo----
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and
they were £70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
----oOo----
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
----oOo----
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if Icould check her balance,
so I pushed her over.
----oOo----
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
----oOo----
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably
and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
----oOo----
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a
good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
----oOo----
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Really, ..." says Mick "Have you seen how many of their
owners go blind?"
----oOo----
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
----oOo----
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
----oOo----
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing atthe foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
----oOo----
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for theworst. So I have
been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
----oOo----
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him
on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
----oOo----
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As Iwas standing there I
noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking
about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....
----oOo----
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and
they were £70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
----oOo----
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
----oOo----
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if Icould check her balance,
so I pushed her over.
----oOo----
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
----oOo----
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably
and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
----oOo----
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a
good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
